The Sense Of Nothing

What my mind is thinking now part4

2009-08-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I came here, that's why it's time for part4 of what my mind is thinking now.

I know have reexams because I haven't passed my exams before and I have to do it over again by learning during the summer. I have decided to learn 1 month before the exams begins, but frankly it's only a week before the exams are going to begin and I haven't started at all! I have 9 exams to do and I don't have the freaking discipline to start! Every day I have to live with this shame, shame of my stupid brain that doesn't want to understand how important this is. I constantly care, but yet I can 't get things started and I end up being frustrated about the fact that I can't control my own mind into doing things that are very important to me. If Nikola Tesla could manage to control his self, why can't I? why is it so hard? Everyone has said to me that nomatter what you want, you will get it. I want this self control so bad, that I sometimes get the feeling that I'm unconsciously doing my best to prevent from having it which is making me so mad. It's ridiculous that eventough the brain controls everything that the brain itself has problems in controlling hiself. It's like a country where the dictator controls everything but yet how hard people trying to revolt against the dictator, still nothing can't be done. Then how can I control the dictator of my own mind? how? I hate myself for this and still nothing can't be done, I don't want to end up like this. I want to follow my dreams I want to do what I want to do before I die. I don't want to regret my life. But at the end, if I can't change myself, then I have to approach myself harder. I have to try harder, because I know everything in life is possible and I'm never ever going to give up. I have to try, try, try and try.

One day I will beat myself and I WILL CONQUER myself! Because it's then that nobody can't beat me besides myself. And maybe one day I will change the world....

What my mind is thinking now part3

2009-02-23T09:14:00.001-08:00

hello everyone,

still nobody that has visited my blog, wel frankly I don't care anymore. I guess I have to talk to myself. It's a weird world where everyone is acutally alone. Everyone has to take care of himself eventually no matter what. Most people are dependent to others while others rather think that you have to be on your own. Everyone has a different view of situations, of descisions, of life. Kinda makes you think there's no good or evil. And there isn't, we have made good and bad, who else? the universe? the universe didn't make laws about helping the weak ones is good, or killing is bad. Then why do these things exist? for what reason? is this being caused by some kind of projection of our conscienceness? Is this the reason why our life is difficult? why am I confused? where will it end? does it really have any effect if I change myself? and what if it doesn't? is there anything I can do to make a definite change of everything and everyone? or will I die like the others and not knowing what will happen next or thinking that I have failed? why does this kinda of question seem bother me alot? why? why can't I feel that I'm not the only one with these thought? Maybe I'm the only with these thoughts?I'm tired, I want to sleep but I can't... I have to do some things that are dependent to this system. a system that has no purpose. that's my view...

yours sincerely,

Escatrax.

What my mind is thinking part 2

2008-12-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

hey everyone,

It's been al very very longggg time. xD. I've been busy with my life, with school, with my girlfriend, dealing with life. It's been a hard time for me lately because I want to grow in life, I want to know myself. I've been doin alot lately in order to improve my life, I'm struggling alot I must say, but hey you know what they say. The harder you fall, the higher you bounce. I used to think that everything in life was so difficult to reach, but at the end if you're dedicated to life or dedicated to what you're doin, then it isn't difficult at all. Everything in life is so simple that it makes everything difficult. Atleast thats what people unconscious think. But if you're obsessed with a thing then you don't realize how fast time goes and how much you learn and how easy it is. But obsession has a dark side too. The more you obsessed, the greater the chances are that one day your obsession will kill you. Life is just too simple to think about , it really is. Eventhough I'm aware of this, but still I'm struggling everyday with life thinking it's a hard way to go, but it isn't. Maybe sedona can help me think easy...

yours sincerly,

sensnes

What my mind is thinking now. Part 1

2008-07-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

My mind, my thoughts are wondering around in an endless imaginary space that has no reason at all but to confuse me and make me negative. I hate that we people are depended to this system that we call life.
I have read my horoscope the other day. It was a chinese horoscope. It says that snakes( yes, I'm a snake) are people that if they think about something almost negative , then they eat themself mentally from the inside which is happening to me for the last 19 years. Al of the desciptions about a snake or what so ever horoscope, it's al true. It has to mean something. Namely, we are depended to this system. Why, I don't know. It's my destiny, but I hate it. Sure, we all have goods things in our lives, but I always have the feeling that I'm missing something important. Important enough the give my life a reason and a value. I tried everything what other do in order to survive, in order to live their lives. I doesn't work for me. Why I don't know. Is like someone or something is holding me back.

It's like.... I'm not made for it. I'm not meant for it.
It's the resistance against the system that makes me more depressive.
I can't change it. I've tried, I've tried..... I always got the worst.
It's hard to be a good guy in a tough world like this.

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes.

The speed message.

2008-06-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

hey everyone,

Sorry, I haven't been able to work on my blog due my school exams.
So now I'm taking a break and not for too long, because my exams weren't that good and I want my next exams to be perfect so I don't have much time to work on my topic either, so that's why I call it "The Speed Message". So fasten your seatbelt, because you are going to need it.

So, I've heard that lately someone has shown a video of an alien popping out of the window. First I thought, another fake. But a years ago, I saw a video of a person that was helding a very long speech and he said that the world is changing and we are going to meet ET's. Even Vatican has said recently that in the near future the goverment(s) will finally tell the truth about life on other planets, ufo's, aliens etc. So is this video coincedence? I can't post the video right now because it hasn't been released yet. But there's a fake version of it. lol, fake version of a fake video? Let us hope that the real version isn't fake aswell xD. Now, I'm running out of time, so I can't post the fake video of the alien. I will update this topic thursday with the video. And if you are smart enough, you can find it on your own on youtube.

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes

The World has changed.

2008-05-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

hey everyone,

The world has changed. People have changed. Everyone lives in fear. Everyone has only friends to be part of something that is merely an illusion. Some friends I know handle their friends like flowers. If it's beautifull, they take care of it like it is their lives. Once the flowers are getting old and are withering away, they throw it away. Some people don't give a fuck anymore and don't know what real friendship is, what the value of it is. They say that they will stay forever and will do anything to help you and that they think of you a lot and care about you. But those words are just frequencies produced by your vocal cords. Meaningless. This world lets us think that we are living in a perfect world. But the fact is, it doesn't exist. By every step we make, we are getting more and more seperated from the real world and are entering an imaginary world that we people have made in order to control other people. People controlling other people. Isn't that ridiculous?

What if our world is becoming a matrix?
Lately, more and more people are doing meditation and other spiritual stuff. Maybe that's the only way to get unplugged?

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes

Emotions are illusions.

2008-05-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Never thought that life would have no meaning at all if emotions didn't exist? Then life doesn't have any specific purpose at all.
Imagine we make robots with emotions and put them in a restricted area. And give anything for them in order to live. One day the robots will ask for sure what the meaning of their life is. They try to search for an answer but they get caught in a endless circle of confusion. But eventually the creators( we humans) know why we made them. We made them for our own benefit. We made them in order to be proud of our own creation( have you ever played a MMORPG? Then you know what I mean) and to use them for our own technology. But the robots don't know and in order to hide the thruth from them, we made religion. It's the most powerfull brainwashing weapon that has been made by the creators in order to control us and in order to hide the thruth from us or else the creation itself would revolt against the creators and that would ruin their benefit.

We humans are weird, we like to have power of things, to rule over things, to be proud of what we create. Do these emotions really have any purpose at all? What if emotion itself is the cause of creator to make something like religion? Is the creator itself also caught in an imaginary world made by a higher creator and so on? It's one big circle, that even the creator(s) never will understand why it is made and why they are made and for what reason.
Does it really need a reason?

no reason is also a reason . . .

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes

Impression is important.

2008-05-18T02:01:00.001-07:00

hey everyone,

Yesterday, I had to do my violin exam for my last year. I had to stand in front of alot of people and normally I get really nervous but yesterday was different. I started to realize that there is no reason in getting nervous at all. I suddenly liked playing in front of the people just to show what I was capable of and I was proud of it. I had 82 out of 100 for my result, which is good for me I guess, but result aren't important at all for me. I'm happy with what I can do with my voilin.
People were congratulated me because I played very good eventhough I made alot of technical errors. But the most important thing is that you play with feeling, with passion and that's what I did. I impressed everyone. Sometimes the key to succes isn't perfectionism, it's impression. Perfectionism only makes it more spectacular than ever.

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes

Never Thought of that!!

2008-05-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

Today, I placed a playlist on my blog.
I mostly listen to hiphop and RnB music. Because these genres makes me get an orgasm, not literaly( haha ). I'm more interested in the beat than in the lyrics.
If you search through my playlist, you'll also find other music genres, like classical( yes you heard me), rock, and music from video games.
Well if you don't know yet, I play the voilin for about 10 years now and I used to listen to classical music everyday, It gave me another feeling, it was very powerfull. Then later on my music genres changed from classical into Rnb/hiphop. Weird isn't it? Indeed in doesn't match with the way I'm thinking about life and such, but hey, that's what makes me unique! And I'm proud of it.
I always thought that music had a deeper meaning. Afterall it's also a language. Music has been a big part of my process of being able to understand why everything exist. Yet it made me Think more and more, deeper and deeper even though I said in my previous blog that too much deep thinking will lead to a never ending circle of confusion. Maybe it has to be like this??
Who knows...

Yours sincerely,
Sensnes

PS: More songs will be added to my playlist.

Sitting in the dark...Thinking...

2008-05-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting now, lonely in my room( as always) in the dark studying for my exams. I don't know if I will pass my exams. But that's ofcourse the wrong way to think. Always think positive, sensnes. We humans are very powerfull if you think about it. If we believe in something so strong, it will happen for sure. It is as easy as it can be. It is like sitting on the top of a mountain, thinking of nothing, looking at the sky and feeling that everything in you is flowing with everything around you. You are so sure that everything is going to be alright and it's that kind of feeling that makes you want to believe in the impossible and achieve the intangible. Unfortunately, those feeling don't last forever. It's like time is speeding up. As human is indeed strong in believing that he can do anything , he's also strong in the opposite, namely believing he's worthless. Then time is like slowing down and your negative feeling lasts forever. It's hard to get out. I have it alot. Mostly I underestimate myself, which is very bad. And the problem is , you can't think about it why you are like this, you have to feel that it isn't right. It's like writing down a letter without thinking what the next word will be, you just feel that you have to write down a certain word in order to match it with the emotion you have on that very second. Then why do humans think? Does it really have a purpose? Does it help us think about something? Thinking causes doubt, doubt causes negative thoughts, negative thoughts causes to underestimate yourself????
I could be wrong, but hey, it's your decision, it's your mind, it's your way of thinking, so think about it? Ohh wait... thinking about it causes confusion and makes you think in a endless loop like I'm thinking now. Sooo, if I'm thinking about thinking while I know it isn't good, how do I know that what I'm thinking is actually right? Does the word "right" even exist or have we made it in order to make a difference between the things we are thinking? Do we really have to think about everything in order to understand, do we think in order to understand what love is? No, it just comes. If we would think what love is, then we will also be stuck with the most general question: "Why does love exist?". That explains why we ask ourselfs what life is. We thinking about it...

Thinking is inevitable.

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes

Introducing Sensnes

2008-05-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I'm sensnes, I'm 18 years old and live in Belgium but I was born in Greece but my parents are iranian. Complicated huh? Well, nevermind lol.

Wel the reason I made this blog is because of a friend of mine made a blog ( it's called: heremetalkaboutmyself) , It's really a cool blog, really deep minded with alot of philosophy, my kind of thing too actually. It gave me alot of motivation to start a blog on my own, because I really like to get loose of some subjects that is bugging me like hell. For example, the meaning of life and all those mysterious complex subjects that are connected to it the most unexplicable way that I can't find a answer for it. Ok, you're probably confused now( I hope not xD), but that's how I think , very complex. Some things that everyone around me find it easy, is for me unfortunately difficult and everyone that finds some things difficult, is for me a piece of cake. Yes, I'm indeed weird. But that's who I am, and I still don't know why I have to be like this. Is it meant to be, or coincidence? Another subject I like to talk about is namely destiny. Does it really exist or to we people really make our choices in this world? More I will talk about later.

Ok, enough with all those philosophic existing words that we people use to express something that maybe doesn't make any sence at all. Haha, I just can't stop, can I? Well this is just the beginning. But be prepared for more confusing paradox discussions and such, you're going to need it.

So that was my first message to all of you guys. Hope you enjoyed it, please look every now and then at my blog, maybe you will find some interesting things about me and about general however philosophic subjects

Yours sincerely,

Sensnes